Seed: The Mouse From U.N.C.L.E.
And speaking of dysfunctional accumulations of kin, sooner or later everyone gets around to wondering just what the hell is up with Mickey Mouse’s family. I can’t tell you how many hours of sleep I’ve sacrificed to this problem—it’s a real three o’clock in the morning booger--but you probably know exactly what I’m talking about.
Okay, Mickey has two nephews, Morty and Ferdie. Actually, he has at least three other nephews--Monty, Morrie, and Marmaduke--and a niece named Maisie, but there is no indication that these four are brothers and sister of Morty and Ferdie and their appearances in Mickey’s adventures are rare. I suspect that when they refer to Mickey as “Unca Mickey,” the name is more a sign of affection, an endearment. Or they could be the offspring of a member of the Mouse family with whom the film studios chose not to associate, like the lesser Baldwin brothers.
Now, Morty’s and Ferdie’s mom is Mrs. Amelia Fieldmouse. Notice that her last name differs from Mickey’s. This means that she is Mickey’s biological sister married to a Mr. Fieldmouse. If she were married to Mickey’s brother, her surname would also be “Mouse” and not “Fieldmouse,” unless, of course, Mickey shortened his name when he went into the movie business (not unknown in Hollywood). But if Mickey has a brother, who is he and why have we never seen him? Was he killed in WW I? Did he sell out to M-G-M and change his name to “Jerry”? Was he eaten by Felix the Cat?
Research has led most investigators to believe that Amelia Fieldmouse is, in fact, Mickey’s sister; but that being the case, why does Mickey always call her “Mrs. Fieldmouse”? What has happened between these siblings that forces one of them to address the other so formally?
And then there is the alternative, the Hollywood Babylonian theory as to what is really going on.
Rumors abound that documents still exist proving that Amelia Fieldmouse and Minnie Mouse, Mickey’s long-term girlfriend, were roommates when they both attended classes at Ratcliffe College in the early 1920s. Mickey’s pre-1928 history, before his starring debut in the film “Plane Crazy,” is obscure, but his frequent co-star, Goofy (real name Dippy Dawg), drunkenly let slip at his Oscar Watch Party in 1944—“How to Play Football” lost to the patriotic fervor of “The Yankee Doodle Mouse”—that Mickey had worked as a groundskeeper at Ratcliffe while the girls were enrolled there. Before Horace Horsecollar and Clarabelle Cow could hustle the besotted Goof away from the prying ears of the press, he hinted that Mickey and Amelia had carried on a brief but passionate affair and that Mickey’s “nephews” were in fact nothing of the kind.
When reporters called on Mickey the next day, he slammed the door in their faces while yelling “No comment!” They rushed to see Minnie, who put them off with a shy, girlish giggle.
Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, who had been slated for stardom with Walt Disney before being sold off to another producer due to high salary demands and who never scaled the heights of fame his replacement with Disney, Mickey Mouse, achieved, tried to tell anyone who would listen about the Mickey/Amelia scandal, but the thugs Pegleg Pete and the Beagle Boys, who worked for Disney, made sure that Oswald was ignored by spreading false and slanderous gossip about Oswald and Screwy Squirrel, thereby ruining the rabbit’s credibility and both careers. Pete and the Beagles were rewarded with small and villainous film roles.
Minnie Mouse, who certainly has the looks but not the smarts or talent necessary for a prolonged career in motion pictures, is said to have been richly rewarded for helping to maintain Mickey’s “good guy” image for nearly 80 years.
Whew. Sorry to have taken up so much of your time with this thing, but the obvious oddness in Mickey’s relationship with his “nephews” and their mother has been of primary concern to me since childhood and I just had to get some of this stuff off my chest.
Now, just don’t get me started about Donald, Huey, Dewey, Louie and Uncle Scrooge . . .
Labels: cheap sarcasm, dysfunctional family, Hollywood
posted by Anonymous @ 9:55 AM,
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Response: After All, It Brought Forth A Mouse
It's yet another tragic episode in the sad tale of Generation X's childhood. It's well-documented that we were neglected by our parents. The Boomers had stay-home moms and the derivatively named Generation Y at least had daycare centers while we had only the keys around our necks as our guardians. Yes, we were neglected even by Disney. From the time I entered first grade to the time I entered college, there were exactly two new Disney animated movies - The Fox and the Hound and The Resucers - neither of which featured a certain mouse. No, we had Jodie Foster and Kurt Russell and Paris Hilton's aunt as the face of Disney.
Boomers were steeped in Disneyana. There were, of course, all the classic movies but there were also the Mickey Mouse Club and Wonderful World of Disney shows on television and maybe even shorts shown before features in theatres which starred the squeaky rodent. And forget the comics. The scant comics rack was stuffed with Archie and the DC and Marvel universes -- no topless mice on those pages. Bunky and Guy experienced Mickey's reappearance in Mickey's Christmas Carol, and of course his daily performances on the early incarnation of the Disney Channel not to mention widely available videos of his oeuvre. Being pre-cable and pre-video, we didn't have those.
Unfortunately, Flatulus, I cannot aid you in your quest. I don't even know the mouse, let alone the details of his possibly sordid past or his sketchy family background. It is certainly an intriguing situation. No, my question has always been, where in the hell was Mickey during his wilderness period from, say 1960 to 1985? I'm not kidding, the whole time I grew up Mickey was very rarely seen and only then in a historical context. The only thing you saw was the outlined mouse-ear logo. Was he killed in an industrial accident at the studio? Did Pegleg Pete or one of the Beagle Boys go too far and extinguish his tiny little life? I hate to think he was snuffed out in a fit of passionate rage by Donald or Minnie following an interspecies tryst with Clarabelle or Daisy. Either way, there's been a studio coverup.
I've often wondered if he had taken the path so many chose in the 60s and gone to the Himalayas on some spiritual quest only to be lured into the soporific stupor of the poppy. I sometimes imagine Goofy and Pluto tracking him down in some back alley Kathmandu opium den -- bursting in just moments before he succumbs to the demons chasing him in the form of bucket-toting brooms.
I suspect the answer is that he truly was the avatar of Walt Disney and that he was frozen the whole time until modern technology found a way to somehow download Walt's brain into the little mouse. They don't call it suspended animation for no reason. So now he's still kickin' it everyday on House of Mouse or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or whatever his show is called now.
To be honest, though, Mickey always annoyed the hell out of me. I'm not sure if it was Loony Toon loyalty or the voice or the confusion over the fact that he didn't wear a shirt and Donald didn't wear pants. I have always have been able to relate to Donald - still do - but I always rooted for the Beagle Boys where Mickey was concerned.
Hopefully one of our blogmates has a good answer for you...
Labels: cheap sarcasm, Disney, Hollywood, mice
posted by St. Fiacre @ 9:50 AM,
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Response: Bugs Bunny, my hero
Although we made our requisite slog to DisneyWorld when I was a kid, I have to say that the Looney Tunes characters were much more to my liking than any of those that sprang from the head of Walt. Bugs Bunny, that wise-cracking, carrot-chomping rabbit, won my admiration after I witnessed his piano-playing skills and the way he tamed a monster by using, comb, curlers and a manicure. Was there nothing he couldn't do?
His smart-aleck rejoinders, his wise-cracks, even the way he munched on carrots. Bugs Bunny was my hero, no doubt. The thing about Bugs that appealed to me was his ability to always win. Minding his own business, he'd encounter a bully who threatened him in some way. "Of course, you realize, DIS means war," he'd say, and the payback was swift and brutal. Aaahh, how often I visualized myself saying such a thing to the evil Laura Pacheco, who made my elementary school years a living hell. She even called me Bugs Bunny, a tribute to my large buck teeth and incredible overbite.
Like the Saint, I was a latchkey kid, and I do remember having a fondness for the Mickey Mouse Club reruns I'd watch after getting home from school. Lying on the black naugahyde couch, I wanted to be Annette Funnicello, but I envied Darlene's ponytail. Whoever was responsible for Annette's hairstyling should have been shot. Her hair looked worse than mine, and I had a massive cowlick! I don't remember watching it because I had a particular fondness for Mickey Mouse and company, but it was something to do. Did I find the kids appealing in their earnestness? Did I admire their musical abilities? Did I like the cartoons? Did it even occur to me that these were reruns? I have no answer. (After watching the show's intro on YouTube, Head Mousketeer Jimmy seems really creepy.)
Disney, in my opinion, ought to be called to task for a number of issues, not the least of which includes:
- Why are all the mothers dead in the feature-length animated films?
- Why are Ariel's seashells so tiny?
- Why does Snow White have such a high-pitched voice?
- Why was Malificent so much more appealing to me than Sleeping Beauty?
- Why didn't Lady and the Tramp have mongrel puppies?
I still think Looney Tunes cartoons are cleverest by far than any Disney tripe, and much better than anything I've seen today, although I admit I don't spend a lot of time watching children's programming. When my kids turn on Cartoon Network, I mostly get annoyed by the trash that I see there. So much of it is completely inane. Except for SpongeBob (for which I have a soft spot) I can't stand to look at any of the Saturday morning drivel. But if there's an old Bugs Bunny cartoon on, I'm lured to sit a while on the couch and remember the old days.
"Eh ... what's up Doc?"
Labels: Annette Funnicello, Bugs Bunny, winners
posted by Adjective Queen @ 9:49 AM,
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Response: Steamboat Willie and the Hand Jive
Regardless of what you think of the “home situation” concerning the extended Mouse family, hopefully, we can agree that while in the throes of today’s animatronic revolution, squeaky-voiced rodents and their irksome brethren have no place on the Silver Screen. They are but a regrettable relic of yesteryear and shall forever remain so. It’s hard to imagine anyone ever watched such ridiculous nonsense as Mickey the Mouse. When those ancient Goofy or Betty Boop or Foghorn Leghorn (“Son, I say son…”) cartoons come on the goggle-box, I change the channel faster than Pepe Le Pew leaving a USO show. Not only is it hard to understand what the characters are saying, the animation is just plain worthless. It’s like a five year old with Parkinson’s drew it. The lines are all squiggly and you can see the individual frames changing. Today’s animators have it down pat. Seriously, I don’t know how they do it. Just one stellar film after another, each one surpassing its’ predecessor and upping the animation ante if you will. They can take anything, and through the magic of computers, make it appear real to an unknowing audience. Could someone tell me why the animators back in the 20s let such good technology go to waste? The tools were right in front of their damn faces. But no, they preferred to spend 60 hours a week “drawing,” from scratch mind you, a cartoon mouse that talked as if his testicles were in his throat. Well, excuse me, if I don’t mourn the loss of Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. Give me a break.
And primitive animation techniques aside, how did those God awful storylines ever see the light of day? Cat chases the mouse. Cat catches the mouse. Some horrible calamity befalls the cat. The mouse escapes and taunts the cat. Alright, I get it. I freaking get it. Cats and mice should avoid each other. Lesson noted. How often did the writers at Hanna-Barbera really have to explore the cat vs. mouse conundrum in order to put hot dogs on the dinner table?
Today’s animated shows and feature length films offer a much more enlightened take on humanity. Take the gripping story of Mulan for example. After her lame father is called to battle, a young Chinese maiden courageously takes his place by disguising herself as a man, and ultimately saves the Chinese kingdom with a little help from a hilarious dragon voiced by Eddie Murphy. Oh, Edward Murphy, how you make me laugh. Talk about genius. The man is a national treasure. His voice work is so multi-faceted; it’s as if he could voice any African-American animal. In Mulan, he provides the voice of a dim-witted but lovable dragon, yet in the Shrek series, he is a dim-witted but lovable donkey. That is what you call versatility folks. And I hope everyone else is as thrilled as me that they have already started making Shrek 4. You know that there were actually people saying that three Shreks was enough? Never. I won’t rest until the character of “Donkey” is mentioned in the same breath as Rick Blaine.
On a side note, my grandfather actually delivered newspapers to Walt Disney in North Hollywood in the late 30s. I would like to think the young paperboy inspired some sort of character in Disney’s illustrious career that never saw the light of day. Like Jackie the Jumping Jellyfish, or Jackie the Joking Jackal, or Jackie the Je… Alright, I’ll stop.
posted by A Contemporary Bunkshooter @ 9:48 AM,
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