Seed: Is This A Great State Centennial Anthem or What?
I was born in Oklahoma. I have lived in this state, for better or worse, since 1980, or the Year of the Monkey, if you put much stock in the Chinese Zodiac. And it is here where I shall take my final, radioactive tainted breaths of air. I have considered leaving numerous times. I came quite close on one occasion. I made it to Norman, a mere 100 miles from the Texas border. But there's something that keeps me here. And no, it's not the eternal hope that we will one day acquire a professional sports franchise. It's something bigger. It's a belief that our state is inherently good, because after all, it's where I live. Boy was I wrong.
If you're not yet aware, 2007 will mark the 100 year anniversary of Oklahoma's admittance to the Union. Texans are still up in arms about this, but who are they to talk? They're the ones responsible for the Houston Oilers and Tom Delay. Anyhoo, every time I turn on the television set I'm greeted by some announcement or another, proclaiming the Oklahoma Centennial as the biggest thing to happen to our state since Macaulay Culkin got himself arrested in the throes of a drug induced Cannonball Run reenactment. And then came last month's announcement that a new state centennial song had been composed by none other than Jimmy Webb and Vince Gill, two of our state's most accomplished bad hairdos. Are you excited yet? I know I was. That is until I realized what I was getting excited about.
So let's get down to the nitty gritty here. First off, the title "Oklahoma Rising." Unless the gravitational pull of the earth has shifted or there is some hotbed of geological activity propelling the state upwards to the sky that I don't know about, then Oklahoma is not in fact rising anywhere. If anything, the state is sinking. And I mean like Titanic sinking or Mel Gibson's toast at your niece's bat mitzvah sinking. Let's take a quick look at the things we know for sure about our state.
According to www.newsfromrussia.com, Oklahoma ranks:
3rd in the nation per capita for incarceration rates
4th in functionally illiterate residents
8th in teen pregnancies
14th in obesity rates
and drumroll please..............47th in teacher pay.
Yeah!!!!!! The song almost writes itself.
Secondly, the lyrics. Here's my personal favorite:
"We're the Heartland of America
Our Heart is in the race
We've sailed our prairie schooners
Right into outer space"
Folks, this is plain embarrassing. Last time I checked our prairie schooners could barely make it across a river, much less into the inner reaches of outer space.
I'm sorry, but I can't help myself. Here is another gem:
"Now we look into the heavens
At the eagles climbing free
It's the spirit of our people
On the wing, can you see?"
Absolute total crap. Not even Lee Greenwood could pull those off. I've heard better lyrics at a Right Said Fred concert (Note: I haven't actually been to Right Said Fred concert but I often imagine myself at one). I mean this is a duo of multi Grammy award winning composers and that's the best they could come up with. Jeez, thanks guys. I think I'll move to Kabul now.
And lastly, the music. Alright I haven't heard the music, but I'm gonna play it safe and pre-emptively call it crap. I should point out though that Vince Gill is a very talented guitar player. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say talented guitar player? I meant Mike Leach look alike.
We already have a state centennial song, and as far as I'm concerned it's the only state centennial song worth a damn. It's called "Lips of an Angel" and it's by local rock supergroup Hinder. They're bringing back the sex and drugs to rock & roll. The song is practically a tourist brochure in itself. Actually, the song I'm referring to is "This Land Is Your Land" by the late Woodrow Wilson Guthrie. No, it doesn't mention Oklahoma by name, but it was written by an Oklahoman and it's everything you could want in a state centennial song. It's bold, beautiful, and sounds just a bit out of tune. And that friends is Oklahoma in a nutshell.
So what do y'all think? What should a state centennial anthem sound like? And is it just me, or does my garbage smell funny?
posted by A Contemporary Bunkshooter @ 8:03 PM,
